Question:
I feel that lots of Punjabi men in America want to
marry women in Punjab. Being a Punjabi
woman in America, this is very disheartening, as I
don`t want to marry men from Punjab because of
cultural reasons. At the same time, men don`t want
to be married with us women in America. Why do men
want to marry women from Punjab instead of here?
And what should I do to coup with my feelings?
Dr Punjab's Response:
Generally speaking, men who exclusively seek after women in Punjab as opposed to Punjabi women in America may have made very broad and unfair generalizations. It is possible that these men, who reside in the United States and follow American customs, are afraid that they are slowly losing their Punjabi culture. Thus, they may feel it is better to marry a woman from Punjab because they think she is more likely to (1) embrace traditional Punjabi family values and traditions, (2) have stronger cultural values, (3) be virgins or sexually modest, (4) and adhere to the traditional male-female relationship. These men may think that American Punjabi women cannot fullfill the role of maintaining Punjabi culture, saying that they (1) cannot cook Punjabi meals, (2) cannot speak the language, (3) are unaware of their religion, (4) are "tarnished" by Western influences, and (5) are more promiscuous, "fake", independent, and assertive. To generalize, these men may believe that Punjabi American women are just too American.
Obviously, such men are making a huge mistake by generalizing Punjabi women. However, to cope with your feelings, you must first understand that each person is an individual, and that despite the existance of a general stereotype, all Punjabi males do not think this way. In fact, some Punjabi men feel they are not desired by Punjabi American women. However, for yourself, you may first want to give men from Punjab a chance, as you may meet someone very extraordinary. Secondly, you should always be who you are, and understand that you deserve to be treated with respect. Anyone who makes broad generalizations about Punjabi women is only cheating himself on getting to know someone who could potentially be very special. Frankly speaking, as long as you yourself do not make unfair generalizations, you will soon not even care about those men who unfairly stereotype Punjabi American women; you will realize that those men do not deserve to be with you anyways.
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